As I have now done the last two years, I will attempt to write a blog post a day for the 12 days of Christmas; the first year the topic was “Hope”, the second I wrote about what ever comes to mind; not sure what this year will bring yet. This is the blog post for the third day of Christmas 21/22.
When I started this year, I had the idea that I would at least start with a few blog posts about love, but my brain decided to take me in different directions 🙂
This year has been stressful in many ways. Corona is still the haunting us with all that it entails of fear and uncertain; my last gig as independent was so stressful that I would sometimes cry myself to sleep. My first boss as an employee drained me, and I am still recovering from that. My job now is very exciting, we are doing a lot of things at the same time and we could really use some more engineering managers to help pull the load, so it also takes its toll.
I am working on it getting better and started seeing a stress therapist that is helping me figure out why I get there. She is really good and helps me feel things that I only knew logically before. Things like saying out loud that I value myself lower than others, which means that I will take care of them even when I am already running on fumes. I logically know that I need to take care of myself to take care of others, and yet that is not what I feel. I do some self-care, but not nearly enough and it is draining. It does mean that others feel safe, feel better, feel taken care of – or maybe don’t see what things would have been, if I had done nothing. It is good that others are taken care of; it is not good that it sometimes comes with a high cost for me.
I have learned to take better care of myself; I have not yet learned how to do that if it means that something important does not get done.
One of the results of this year has been that so many things have fallen between chairs for me, and I feel constantly behind on things. Some of them are small, but still feel like impossible tasks to get done. I get a bit done here and there – mostly when others depend on me, and I prioritize my own things lower to the extend that I may not ever get there.
Today I actually got a lot of stuff done; from accounting to sending a package, from laundry to looking at nice Christmas Trolls and figuring out which of these cuties go on my wish list. I finally had the headspace.
I think it is because of the resting. I have been off work for ten days now and except for some small things with family and the friends, I live with when I am in Denmark, I have done a lot of nothing. I have done small things like taking part in the chores of the house, I have celebrated Christmas, but most of all I have chilled, rested, watched movies, taken naps, talked, listened to music… resting…
Today started the same way.. Slow breakfast with a paper newspaper including doing the daily crossword and sudoku, small walk in the sun to send a package, putting on facemask, eating leftovers. And then my head was back and I got so much done in not very long time. I still have a few tough ones on my todo list, but I feel hopeful that I will get them done.. Now that I have the headspace 🙂
Do you rest enough to get things done?
Blog post for the first day of Christmas 21/22: Love is all around
Blog post for the second day of Christmas 21/22: The Voice of Reason
Blog post for the fourth day of Christmas 21/22: Building bridges
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 21/22: Wrapping up things