Fear (and courage?)

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21.

As I am preparing to move properly to Sweden, I am looking into a lot of things that I need to figure out. Today my friend Elisabeth, who is a doctor, helped me by writing a summary of my medical history that I can bring to a Swedish doctor.

Since April of 2018 I have know that I want to move to Stockholm. For the first time in my life, I have felt at home somewhere; that I belong somewhere. And then life happened and I didn’t really. A bit here and there, travelling or being with my extra family and 2019 was just bad in many ways.

But it is not just about that. It is also because I am afraid. I am afraid of moving to a different country, where I don’t know the things like I do in Denmark. I have travelled a lot the last year and stayed long periods of time here and there, but always had my base in Denmark. I know how everything works: the healthcare system, laws, how to get a bank account, not to mention all the things that I forgot that I know, because they are so integrated into me.

My plan is to register in Sweden in a week and then that is my base.

And I am afraid. Some of it is my medical state, where I know that I am well medicated and have my CPAP for sleep apnea. It has taken a while and some experimentation to get the medication right, especially my anti-depressives. And some of it is the unknowns: the things that I don’t know that I don’t know.

There is something more that I can’t figure out where comes from, and maybe it is not important. Though it would be nice to know, so I could do something about it.

I am not afraid that living in Stockholm is the wrong thing. I know that is right, and the first time Elisabeth visited and saw me in that setting, she kept going “I think you have come home”.

Therefore it is important enough to do anyway. I usually say “Being brave is not about removing fear. It is about doing things despite the fear IF it is important enough to you”… So maybe I am brave in this case, but it sure doesn’t feel that way.

What do you fear and do anyway?
What makes you feel brave?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

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