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The choice is yours

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21.

As I wrote on the ninth day, my friend Elisabeth helped me by writing a summary of my medical history that I can bring to a doctor in Sweden. I am nervous about that and she is a doctor, so she could help. One of the things, we discussed in connection with that, was my history of mental health and treatments related to that.

For 12 years I went to a psychiatrist, who helped me deal with some of the things I struggled with because of my dominant alcoholic mom. With the knowledge I have now, I believe she might have been borderline, but I will never know. I have come far since that day in 1996, when I first got help, but I still suffer from things from my childhood – handling them bit by bit, layer by layer of the onion.

As we discussed these things, I mentioned that it might be good for me, if I could forgive my mother. To which she responded “I don’t think you should forgive her for what she did. She did the best she could that is true, but she also decided to do all those things. She had the option to not do them”.

She has a good point; I will think about if the forgiveness is needed for me to be at peace with it. If I ever will be.

More importantly, it started a lot of thoughts about choice, which is something I have worked with for 5-6 years, since I first heard about the responsibility process at a talk by Christopher Avery. That process has many layers that one can dive into and for the purpose of this blogpost, I will look at the choice part. To me a big part of taking responsibility is making active choices instead of just going with the stream. Often we think that we don’t have an option to choose, when really we do. All choices have consequences, and it is still a choice.

One example that I have met in my many one-on-ones at work is that some people are very unhappy with their job, and yet they feel that quitting without having a new job is not an option, nor is getting a job with lower pay. Aka they don’t have the choice of quitting.

Most of the time, they do have that choice. The choice would mean that they could not travel on vacations twice a year, or go out every week or similar thing; that does not remove the choice. I think it is helpful to consider that. Maybe you still want to be able to travel twice a year, and then you don’t choose the option of quitting, but the option is still there. There are also people, who don’t have that choice because they have mortgage to pay and mouths to feed, but we all have more choices than we think.

At the end of Being or doing I wrote “Remember that who you are is always good enough, what you do may not be.”, which is something that I have come to believe more and more over the last years especially after learning more about Virginia Satir (again a story for another time).

We are who we are and this is good enough no matter what. What we do may not be. For our actions to not be okay if we ourselves are good enough, we need to have made a choice to do that action- consciously or unconsciously. There are of course some actions that are built-in physical reactions, but most of our actions are learned behaviors. Sometimes we do not even know when that choice was made or that we even made it.

My friend Morgan likes to talk about this quote by Viktor E Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” and he does great talks about it. (It seems the quote is propably not from Frankl. Read here )

When something happens to us, we get a stimulus; that can be a physical stimulus, an emotion, a smell, something we see. And we respond, sometimes that respons is word we speak, sometimes a movement, sometimes others emotions that is triggered by the first. What they all have in common is that there is a small space between them.

It is not always easy to find that space, nor is it easy to react within it in. It is something that needs to be trained and practiced. The more you practice, the more you can actively choose your response, and that gives you so many more opportunities for what to do.

Again it is a matter of choice. The triggering of all these thoughts were not only about the choices my mother made, it was also about the choices I have made. I could be a victim of my childhood or I can choose to work with what is. There are many things that I wish were different, but we cannot change the past. We can change how we react to it, and thereby gaining more freedom.

I shall end this post with some quotes from some of my favourites wizards. From Lord of the Rings: Gandalf the Grey and from Harry Potter:Dumbledore.

I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” “[The sorting hat] only put me in Gryffindor,” said Harry in a defeated voice, “because I asked not to go in Slytherin…” “Exactly,” said Dumbledore, beaming once more. “Which makes you very different from Tom Riddle.”

It is all about choices: the choice is yours.

What do you do to make active choices?
Might it help you to do this more often?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Jumping in puddles

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21.

Yesterday my friend Elisabeth started reading these blogposts and after reading Raining again, she concluded that I must have forgotten the joy of jumping in puddles. So she “made me” do it today.

In the afternoon her 25 year old niece came over, we all found wellies (aka rubber boots), rain pants and a coat, and off we went to find puddles. It has not rained a few days, but we found a gravel parking lot with a bunch of puddles and mud.

The two of them started jumping and laughing, and I gave it my best effort. I jumped in muddy puddles, so much so that I had mud as far up as my winter hat. I learned that I am not very good at jumping or at splashing, and that I do not have the same joy that they had. I very much enjoyed seeing them having so much fun, but I am not sure that is for me 🙂

Nevertheless I think it is important that we find that joy and giggling inside that Elisabeth and her niece find when jumping in puddles. I guess it is more refinding, as we most likely all had it as a kid. I felt that joy the first time I saw real dinosaurs at the Natural Museum of History in Ottawa in 2015. I felt like I was 5 and I would burst of joy.

I think it is important that I refind what makes me feel that childish joy again . I guess I have hibernated a bit during all this isolation, so finding what makes me giggle could help me wake up again.

What is your jumping in puddles?
When do you feel that innner joy and giggle?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Fear (and courage?)

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21.

As I am preparing to move properly to Sweden, I am looking into a lot of things that I need to figure out. Today my friend Elisabeth, who is a doctor, helped me by writing a summary of my medical history that I can bring to a Swedish doctor.

Since April of 2018 I have know that I want to move to Stockholm. For the first time in my life, I have felt at home somewhere; that I belong somewhere. And then life happened and I didn’t really. A bit here and there, travelling or being with my extra family and 2019 was just bad in many ways.

But it is not just about that. It is also because I am afraid. I am afraid of moving to a different country, where I don’t know the things like I do in Denmark. I have travelled a lot the last year and stayed long periods of time here and there, but always had my base in Denmark. I know how everything works: the healthcare system, laws, how to get a bank account, not to mention all the things that I forgot that I know, because they are so integrated into me.

My plan is to register in Sweden in a week and then that is my base.

And I am afraid. Some of it is my medical state, where I know that I am well medicated and have my CPAP for sleep apnea. It has taken a while and some experimentation to get the medication right, especially my anti-depressives. And some of it is the unknowns: the things that I don’t know that I don’t know.

There is something more that I can’t figure out where comes from, and maybe it is not important. Though it would be nice to know, so I could do something about it.

I am not afraid that living in Stockholm is the wrong thing. I know that is right, and the first time Elisabeth visited and saw me in that setting, she kept going “I think you have come home”.

Therefore it is important enough to do anyway. I usually say “Being brave is not about removing fear. It is about doing things despite the fear IF it is important enough to you”… So maybe I am brave in this case, but it sure doesn’t feel that way.

What do you fear and do anyway?
What makes you feel brave?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Uninspiration

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21.

I don’t even know if today’s topis is a real word, but I feel very uninspired today. Yesterday was nice with good conversations and laughter and very late to bed, so today has been chilling and resting, watching movies with the rest of the family and eating chips and drinking coke.

That also means that I am not sure what to write about today, as I feel quite tired and uninspired and thereby uninspiring; I have a list of potential topics that I have looked at and all are good topics; I just don’t know what to say about them.

My friend Lena says that I often say that I lack inspiration for talk topics, workshops or even blogposts like these – and that I always manage to come up with something that inspires and helps someone. And maybe she is is right, maybe someone finds help in knowing that other people also fail to find inspiration sometimes. Or maybe someone can be inspired to say “today is a day of uninspiration and that is okay”…

Are you okay with not feeling inspired sometimes?
And where do you find your inspiration?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Family

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21.

While the rest are out watching the fireworks, I am writing this blogpost a little belated, but after midnight is better than not at all.

I have spent the last three weeks living at my best friends’ house in Denmark, where I have my own room; I also lived here 10 weeks this summer and I have been living with them on other occasions when I needed it. I met my friend Elisabeth 33 years ago, her husband a few months after she did, and her kids days or hours after they were born. It is a house of friends, and the kids are my oldest kids. The youngest even calls me extra mom.

This is where I am spending this new year’s eve with an addition of Elisabeth’s sister, brother-in-law, and niece.

This family has become my extra family and are very supportive no matter what I do. It is so much my family that when I called my dad to wish him happy new year, he ended the call with “wish happy new year to your other family for me” (except he said it in Danish ;))

Sometimes our family comes when we are born, or when we are married into a family. And sometime family comes when you make strong connections with friends, so strong that it is more than friendship; it is a relation goes beyond that. For some like me this is an extra family, for some it is their only family…

Blood does not always make a family. For many people Christmas can be hard, as their blood family has rejected them, or they have chosen to not have contact with them. As almost everything around Christmas can seem to be about family, meeting family, being with family, it can be hard if you don’t have one, or if you don’t fit into the one that you have.

My hope for all those people is that they find family in some other form – we need that belonging, we need to be part of something, and we all deserve it.

Who is your family?
Do you have someone who cares for you and where you belong?
And what does that mean to you?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Having people in my space

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21.

Today’s topic is inspired by my oldest girl Cathrine; while I may not have given birth to any kids, a bunch of them seem to have adopted me, which is one of my great joys in life 🙂

This afternoon we were watching “The Nutcracker” from Bardavon, while she was doing a puzzle and I was chilling. Btw Bardavon could use some donations, so they can continue their community work…

After the nutcracker we put on Ironman and I started building some LEGO. We were half watching the movie and half doing our own stuff. A very lovely afternoon where we were together and yet had very little interaction.

I experience this with some people. Long ago when I was living with my ex-boyfriend, I would often sit on the couch in his office and read a book, while he was playing computer games. Very little interaction but being together. That feeling of connectedness and effortlessness.

I did not have a term for this until I met drunkcod (yup the same dude from the post yesterday). We first got to know each other on twitter and only talked there for years, until 2013 when I was in Stockholm on other business and we met for coffee. And for talking; it was like meeting a friend that I had known for 25 years or more. I left after a few hours and we next met at Øredev later that year. I had a one day ticket and we were hanging out the whole day, though we didn’t talk much. Since then we have talked a lot and lost many hours of sleep while not wanting to stop talking, but that is a different story.

He introduced me to the term, when he said “I like having you in my space”. A term that I have truly adopted and embraced. It explained so well that feeling I have when I am with some people. We don’t need to interact, but just having that person near feels good. It can be someone I work with, where we are each working on our own thing, while being in the same room; it can be a friend at a conference that I see passing by; it can be my girl and I sort of watching a movie while doing our own thing; it can be sitting at a cafe with a fellow coach and friend and reading each our book.

It gives a really good feeling; a calmness so to say; and it is something that I value a lot. And something that I missed a lot during corona. While it has been nice with zoom calls with friends, it is also hard to be on screen so much, and the effortlessness is gone.

Not everyone likes having other people in their space, or at least not all the time. There is no right or wrong here. There is only sensing what is good for you, and considering how to get that.

I look forward to having my people in my space again once this is over 🙂

Do you like having people in your space?
Do you prefer solitude?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Gratefulness

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21.

The subject for today is suggested by Tobias Geyer 🙂

Gratefulness is amazing and hard. It is easy to fall into the trap of not appreciating what we have, but instead looking at what is missing.

That does not mean that we should never look at what is missing. I do believe in finding the silverlining in things and looking at what is good. I also believe that we need to look at problems and challenges and loss to be able to handle it.

It rubs me the wrong way when organisations go “we don’t have problems, we have challenges” or other ways of not being allowed to bring up problems.

I have seen companies with a pretty value on a wall on “Being positive” and then weaponising that when people bring up things. Hitting them on the head with a big positive attitude stick so that they fit in and the value remains. There is nothing wrong with the value itself, just the implementation of it. I felt it myself a few weeks ago, when I brought up a concern and was told “Why can’t you just look at what we CAN do instead?” in an aggresive, loud, and patronising voice.

That is the wrong kind of “positivity” – the toxic kind.

What I am talking about is being aware of the world as it is – or as the best interpretation of that – and still find the good things about it. Like my dear friend drunkcod says “Things become better when we accept them as they
are. Not as we want them to be.
” (This does not mean “accept” as in “we can’t change it”, but “accept” as in “see them for what they are at this moment and not some wishful dream”)

And it isn’t always easy. I took the challenge in November of #30daysofgratitude and it was tough some days; I even had to miss one day because I could not find a single thing to be grateful for. And that day one of my friend wrote on their gratitude on my behalf – that is how lucky I am 🙂

It was really good for me to reflect every day and find things to be grateful for, because it reminded me that I do have a lot of good things. I may not meet my friends because of corona, but I have loads who stay in touch online. I may not be able to speak at conferences and meet people, but I have online conferences giving me a chance to speak about things that still help people. Like how hard it can be for mental health and psychological safety during corona – and the good things at well. I was even mentioned in Fortune Magazine online with that due to lovely serendepity (a writer working on an article and researching, who happened to follow someone tweeting from the conference – the world is small).

I managed to find 29 things to be grateful and that made me feel better. and it made me be more aware on the good things I do have in life. It also helps me find the energy to work on the things that do no work.

What are you grateful for?
How can that help you with the other things in life?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Being or doing

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21.

One of the things I have always struggled with is feeling good enough, and I feel this creeping up on me at the moment. The feeling of not being good enough or not worthy, combined with the need of getting confirmation from others that I am.

I know it would be better for me, if I could give myself the feeling of being good enough and not need others to give it.

I truly deeply believe that a person is worthy just by being. They don’t need to do anything to be worthy. Who we are is always good enough, what we do may not be.

And yet I struggle to see that about myself.

I used to not feel good enough at all and thought that only by doing things would I be worthy. That I needed to be smart and get good grades and help people and go good work and all those things; then maybe I would be worthy, and people would like me if I did things for them. And I needed them to like me to be good enough.

I have come to a point, where sometimes I am grounded, and I know that I am worthy, and I know that I do good things and help people. I know that I am liked and appreciated. Not by all, and that is okay, because I don’t want to change myself to be liked. When I am there, I am confident and have quite a presence.

And then there are all the doubting times, where I swing between feeling confident and grounded and full of doubt and not felling good enough. Swinging might not even be the right word as the states seem to co-exist: I can doubt myself and my worth, and at the same time be confident that I know what I am doing and wanting to be acknowledged for that.

This year I have been very isolated and worked remote like many people I know. This has made me doubt myself even more as I know I am good in a room, in live trainings, in one to one conversations, or being available and approachable, but these spaces do not exist anymore. Many of my good coaching conversations happen when people see me at the coffee machine or my seat and say “do you have a minute?”; not having those spaces have made me seriously doubt all that I do, and if I can even help anyone while being online and remote.

Same with conferences and workshops. Many of the great things about speaking happens after the talk itself, in the corridor, in the bar or anywhere that people meet and talk and listen. Without that, what are my talks worth?

I can see that I can still help people ; not to the same extend and not as often as the serendipity of meeting spontanously have vanished. I can help by being honest and talking about how things are hard for me as well; I can help by listening to people and being kind to them, confirming to them that they are okay as I need to feel that I am okay. I can give that to others and not to myself.

It still means that I have regressed to needing more approval and recognition from the outside. I feel that I need to do something for people so they still like me, so that I am still worthy. Logically I knew that it is enough to just be me also to be liked; that I am liked by many for who I am, without having to do anything.

Emotionally I do not know. I feel a bit like that kid who was dreaming of someone getting a heart attack in the bus, so I could use my first-aid skills, save that person and finally be liked. That girl is still inside. Even as I write these posts, there is a part of me hoping that someone will be helped by them, so that I will be liked.

It is a vicious cycle wanting to be liked, feeling the need to be liked, and getting annoyed at myself for needed to be liked to feel good enough. So I need even more to be liked, because I cannot give myself that worth, and then I thnk less of me for needing it. And the circle goes on and on…

Sometimes I give into it and I ask for good messages for me on twitter; either by directly saying that I need it or more often by saying that I feel down. And I get massive support from amazing people – thank you 🙂

I see these moments of doubts more when I am resting, because I am not good enough, giving enough, doing enough. I need to learn that it is also true for me that I am good enough because I am. That all I need is being. And I need to feel it

Today my friend Lena asked “What can you do to feel that you are valuable just because you are?”. That is a question I still need to answer for myself and that I will pass on to you.

Remember that who you are is always good enough, what you do may not be.

What can you do to feel that you are valuable just because you are?
What helps you feel aware of your selfworth?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Raining again

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21.

Today’s topic “Raining again” is inspired by Maiken 🙂

It is raining again today and storming as well, so the day is wet and cold and dark. When I woke up, I was sure that it was quite early, because it was still so dark inside, and yet it was half past nine.

When we have these days, it is easy to get annoyed about the weather and the things that we cannot do because of it. Or maybe rather that we do not feel like doing because of it… Taking run or a nice slow walk..

Or we get annoyed about the darkness and long for the light.

All of this is quite understandable and normally not a problem. Except that sometimes we get caught in that web of only seeing the darkness and the things that it prevents us from doing. Then it becomes a problem because it clouds our minds until we may miss out on the light, when it is there.

So what can we do instead?

We can take the opportunity to go out in it anyway, get cold and wet and feel alive. Go home, get a warm shower and take a nice warm beverage 🙂

We can light candles or lamps creating that light which nature does not provide today. If you have a light therapy lamp, maybe you can sit with it a bit longer. If you don’t have one, I totally recommend getting one.

Cuddle up under a nice blanket with a good book; not because it is cold, but because it is cosy and nice. Or if we have loved ones in our house, we can play boardgames, talk or just be together.

Make the day a slow day and take our time to be in that moment instead of always doing the next thing or looking ahead.

For more than a decade I have practiced finding the silver lining in every situations. The first years it was awfully hard as I did not have the habit, but it got better and better, and now I can do it most days. Though the isolation this year has made it harder again.

What do you do to find the light on a dark day?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21: Unicorns
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation

Unicorns

As I did last year, I will attempt to write a blogpost a day for the 12 days of Christmas; except this time I will pick a new topic each day. This is the blogpost for the second day of Christmas 20/21.

Today’s topic is Unicorns inspired by V_Source 🙂

This morning at brunch I was talking with my ten year old niece about what I do. She knows that I travel when it is not corona ,and that I gave a talk on stress as she found a video on youtube while searching for her family name. I tried to explain what else I do; that I help people communicate and collaborate, but it became to abstract for her.

So we moved to what I am. As I was wearing my Batman hoodie, it was obvious to her that I was at least Batwoman. I tried to tell her that I am also a unicorn, but that was too unlikely for her eventhough she gets why people think I am a unicorn with my normal turquise and pink hair. But I have no horn, so I could not be a unicorn.

I told her that I am endorsed for being a certified unicorn on Linkedin, but that was not enough, so I didn’t even bother talking about being a certified unicorn certifier. It makes you wonder, why we really have these certifications if you can’t use them when in need 😉

It is hard to discuss these things with a ten year old, who have known of unicorns all their life, as unicorns have become vastly popular the last years. Now you can find them anywhere and on everything from toiletpaper to chocolates and sprinkles for cakes. All fluffy and magical and innocent and cute. And almost always white or pink and with elements of rainbow color in one form or another.

I too find these unicorns very cute, though some are a bit too much for me, and not all appeal to me. I am fascinated by the myths, the stories, the magic – and the power of these animals. Especially the black unicorn is powerful and magical and not often seen – which is why I had another discussion with my niece about which colors, unicorns can be 🙂

You might think that unicorns are just a myth, or silly, or nothing that grown-ups should be talking about, and that is okay.
For me they matter more than just being a fascinating story.

I am not sure who first called me a unicorn, but I do recall, when I certified my first unicorns; it was the summer of 2016 in the Romanian office of Avira, where two women were spreading joy and kindness in the office. They would make people smile, they would bring small gifts and there was something magical about it. And they were standing out from the norm each in their way. So I decided to certify them as unicorns for passing the unicorn test and showing proficient unicorn behavior.

After that I have certified a few here and there; always people who are a litle bit different from the norm, and who spread joy, kindness and a little bit of magic. People who have a certain spark. Often people have not considered it before they get the certificate, but that is because unicorns, who live in a human body, forget what they are after a while. (If you are not convinced, try watching “The last Unicorn“)

Each one of them have been thrilled to be certified 🙂

Sometimes people ask be to become a certified unicorn, because they think it could be a fun thing to get, but that is not how it works. It must be earned.

Is it silly to talk about unicorns in this way?
Maybe it is. But it is also joyful and nice, and that is something that we need in our lives – some days more than others – and anyone who contributes to that deserves to be celebrated.

So yes it might be a little bit silly, but also a little bit serious. We sometimes forget that we might have a little magic inside and that this magic can be used to help people smile and enjoy life more -not just other people, but also ourselves.

Am I a unicorn? At least I try to get in touch with the powerful black unicorn I have inside. What a mighty beast it is and what a spark it gives.

When was the last time you were in touch with the magic spark you have inside? And what would happen if you would let it loose?

Blogpost for the first day of Christmas 20/21: Time for reflection
Blogpost for the third day of Christmas 20/21: Raining again
Blogpost for the fourth day of Christmas 20/21: Being or doing
Blogpost for the fifth day of Christmas 20/21: Gratefulness
Blogpost for the sixth day of Christmas 20/21: Having people in my space
Blogpost for the seventh day of Christmas 20/21: Family
Blogpost for the eight day of Christmas 20/21: Uninspiration
Blogpost for the ninth day of Christmas 20/21: Fear (and courage?)
Blogpost for the tenth day of Christmas 20/21: Jumping in puddles
Blogpost for the eleventh day of Christmas 20/21: The choice is yours
Blogpost for the twelfth day of Christmas 20/21: Anticipation